I'm a master of packing

I'm back to packing again. Tomorrow I leave Ann Arbor and close another chapter in my MBA trek. It's the final chapter as now I have to head into the real world. Scary stuff. 

As I look back over the last two years, a lot of crap happened. Lately though, I'm thinking about how this process has really molded my perspective. First, I need to acknowledge that I'm blessed that I was able to have the financial ability and understanding of everyone around me to partake in my grand adventures. 

My dad has been really good at reminding me to live life without regret. Hell, he was the one that told me to buy the S2000 because once I have kids it'll all be over. So it was with that same mentality I decided to go abroad to try to fulfill my dream of living and working in Europe. It was a gamble but I never wanted to look back on my life and think to myself, why didn't I do that?

I had a handful of offers for full-time employment. Two offers were very safe options. Good pay, good visibility, decent geographic locations and an opportunity to be within an MBA leadership development program. I didn't go with those and ended up choosing an international finance rotation program for a cosmetics company. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision. 1) I didn't really want to be back in Finance 2) I don't really know where the company will send me after my 2 year rotation is over in NYC and 3) cosmetics?!? but deep down inside I knew this was what I wanted to do. I wanted to work abroad and utilize the cultural knowledge imparted on me while in business school. 

Life is full of the expected. People always tell you what you should do and what you shouldn't do. Go to college, make a stable living, have a family and live your life accordingly. But, why do the things that everyone expects you to do? We all hate labels but we have an overwhelming urge to normalize ourselves. Risk management is so critical in our daily lives that it clouds our thinking. The Chairman of AIG visited our class the other day and his parting words to us were to do something you're passionate about or have fun doing. Do something that pushes your boundaries and makes you feel alive." With risk management, we dilute the passion and substitute it for the comfort of stability. I applaud all those people who pursued their passion. Mine was history and I never could push myself to be a history professor. It just wasn't the safe choice. 

But, our passion, our gambles, our failures and our successes comes through our pursuit to push ourselves beyond our boundaries and that is how we learn and develop.  Hmm....I feel like I just wrote a response for my previous post. I might be bi-polar. 

Hamster in a loop

A typical argument with the SO pans out as follows:

1. I say something that upsets her. 
2. I don't really catch on to the fact that she's annoyed. 
3. I do catch on but now am annoyed that she's annoyed over what I consider petty things. 
4. She gets upset
5. I get defensive
6. She gets irritated and hangs up/leaves.
7. We realize we are stuck with each other, apologize and move on. 

I was thinking about how this relates to personal development. I would say 98% of our arguments follow that path. I know what I need to do differently and change, yet somehow each time it follows the same pathway. You could argue that only the general framework is the same and that each issue is actually different, but I don't think that's true. 

So, if I know what needs to be done and how I can fix things why don't I? I don't know. 

In my leadership development classes, transnational manager classes, negotiation strategy classes, pretty much any soft skill classes we learn the academics and the framework to be a better leader, negotiation, manager, etc. We practice with live cases, role playing and other introspective exercises. At the end, given that we know what we can improve and what we should strive for, we should be able to develop. But is that even possible? So many times I've found myself thinking, "You know, I should fix that about myself" and then realize that I'm seemingly back to my old habits. 

Our negotiation strategy professor did an amazing exercise. In our last class, after we've gone through 7 weeks of pretty intense mock negotiation cases and exercises we thought we knew it all. We no longer had a fixed pie mentality and were brimming with ideas of value creation. She asked us to do one final negotiation exercise. With our partner sitting next to us, we were asked to get ourselves into arm wrestling positions. Whoever got the other person's hand to touch the table wins a piece of chocolate. When she said "Go" I immediately tried to strong arm my partner to get him to "lose". I didn't and thought that was it. Actually, she never said we both couldn't win. She never said we had to use strength to get the other person to lose. We could just go back and forth, both "lose" and get pieces of chocolate. 

I just spent 7 weeks and in the end, I felt like I hadn't learned anything. It's the age old concept of strategy is one thing, implementation is another. 

Things like this really make me wonder. Is personal development really possible? Can we change who we've become? Years and years of culture, external influences and biases have crafted us into who we are. We know what the traits of leaders are but if we didn't have those traits before, can you develop them? Emotional self-awareness is one thing but once you realize that you're doing something wrong can you change it? It's a tough call. Maybe we're just stuck being who we are, for better or for worse, and hope for the best. 

I hope my professor understands my humor

We have to write a journal for our leadership class. I figured, why not make it interesting and wrote this journal entry for February 14th, 2011.

February 14, 2011

It is Valentine’s Day and personal leadership examples abound. In a way the qualities of an ideal partner is akin to the qualities of good leader. Well at least to me it does.

Create a vision: What do you want from the relationship? Is it marriage or a long-term relationship?

Clarify big picture: Do you want kids too? Can I be a stay at home dad?

Set strategies: So how are we going to make this happen? Do we have dinner/drinks. Go to Vegas to elope?

Communicate: I’d like to know what is going on instead of just “nothing”

Seek commitment: Pretty self-explanatory

Build teams and coalitions: I want you to become friends with my friends and vice versa.

Inspire and energize: I don’t want a person who is boring and not active. Interests have to align and I have to be energized every time I am with you

Empower subordinates. If we are now married then as the subordinate I’d like some power. Xbox/golf every 3^rd Saturday

Satisfy unmet needs: Self explanatory

I think my biological clock is ticking

Finding all these kid-related vids lately on Reddit. Kids are only cool when you can return them once they're not cute, smelly or crying.

This may be my favorite Family Guy clip ever.

Family Guy vs. Street Fighter

They got everything down perfectly. Oh...those many hours playing Street Fighter II. Gotta place the quarters on the cabinet to get your spot in line.

My list of blogs to read grows

I'm Asian. I'm Asian-American. I'm American. Whatever I am, it's sometimes confusing to be not white in America. Anyways, to relieve my identity angst in a non-Twilight way, I read Angry Asian Man. 

Good way to remind myself who I am and what's going on in AA land. Funny, because the Caucasian equivalent of this would be a KKK website. This is Ameri-cuh. Land of the free and home of the white man's fear of antagonizing the minorities. 

Why is the Dark Side so enticing?

VW had an awesome ad with a mini Vader....it seems that more and more are tempted by the Dark Side.

The story of how Bizzle met his SO

Why do I have this video on my blog? Well, get yourselves comfortable folks because I have a story for you...

September 2004. It was my first job out of college and I was excited to be part of the Deloitte team. It was the first week of training and from 9-5 we were barraged with the do's and don'ts of our new jobs. Amidst all this we had icebreakers and other get to know you type activities. We had one game where we had to tell 1 truth and 2 lies. Fun game. My truth was that I was in a music video back in college. I'll save that story for another time. 

Anyways, people in my class had actually seen the video and we got to talking about it. The not an SO at this point SO said to me "oh cool you were famous" or something of that sort. Supposedly I curtly replied "I know" (SO's version of the story). I don't recollect saying that to her but I also thought she was an Ice Queen due to my previous interaction with her. Great start to our friendship. 

The Friday before we were to head off to NorCal for our off-site training, we were warned by our HR team to not be that guy/gal. You know that person. The person who does something foolish or stupid and becomes known only for that act. Oh yeah I know XXX. Wasn't he the one that barfed on the partner? I didn't think much of it and just laughed at the people stupid enough to become known as "that guy/gal"

Tuesday night. Oh, I distinctly remember being in that hotel room and drinking up a storm. Apparently I was shouting at everyone. It was a good time. That night. Not a good time. I spent the entire evening in my bathroom throwing up.

8am. Somehow I made it to our class. For the past 3 days I've been at a table of 4 that included the future SO. Today was the same. Well, not really the same, because I was ridiculously hungover when I got to class and my body felt wrecked. I desperately tried not to be "that guy". 8:40. We start our first group assignment. I forget what it was but I remember I was tired and I needed to yawn. Staring at the ceiling, I yawned as wide as I could. My brain needed oxygen. Ahh. Yawn over and feeling a bit better.

Wait. How come my mouth won't close. The brief bit of panic turned into chaos in my brain. What was going on? Why won't my mouth close. I didn't hear anything pop or break. It's just stuck open. I tried to keep cool and massaged my jaw right under my ear. Maybe it was out of place? Pushing it left and right didn't do anything. My tablemates were engrossed in their work. Damn them and their working jaws. For 5 desperate minutes I tried everything to get my jaws to move. Nothing. Won't go up or down. 

It was time for action. I bolted to the assistant proctor and tried to explain my situation. Well, have you tried to talk to a person without being able to move your jaw? Yeah you end up sounding like that girl. "Uah. Uah. Uah." To this day I thank god the proctor immediately asked. "Are you okay? Is something wrong with your jaw?" An enthusiastic head nod along with another "Uah!" was all I could do. 

They rushed me to the lead proctor and "Dean" of the training. The situation was immediately explained and I was rushed to hospital via hotel shuttle bus. I thought the worst was over. 

I sat in the waiting room for about 2 hours while the doctors were helping other people. I sat there next to the Dean with my mouth agape, reeking of alcohol and looking like shit. By this time my mouth had completely dried up. The beauty of the situation was that by now I wasn't feeling hungover anymore. I guess panic and fear causes your body to normalize itself pretty quickly. 

After about 2.5 hours I was ushered into the emergency room where I waited another 15 minutes until the doctor came over. The doctor casually walked over and started asking me questions. "Is your jaw stuck? How did it happen? While eating? Yawning?" By this time I didn't bother trying to vocalize my thoughts. Gestures would suffice.  The doctor started talking about how this happens to people eating burgers all the time and that once your jaw becomes dislocated, it's easy for it to happen again. DISLOCATED. How embarrassing. I just managed to dislocate my jaw by yawning. That's like hurting yourself in a padded room. 

The doctor slipped on some gloves and stuck his thumbs into my mouth. He pushed down gently and my jaw popped back into place. The first words out of my mouth were "Thank you so much Dr. That feels so much better" After 3.5 hours, FREEEEDOOOMMMMM.

I headed back to class and had to explain my story to my tablemates. For the rest of the training session I had to tell my story. Over and over again. My story became widely known throughout the class. Did it hurt? What was it like? Why did you yawn so big? Throughout all this I had become "that guy".

In the end did I win the heart of my SO with my antics? No. Actually her thought was what a dork. Ah, yes the seed had been planted. The seed had been planted...

They make this look so easy

ESADE Graduation Weekend - non sentimental version

Now that I've gotten the hokey sentimental stuff out of the way it's time to review the ESADE graduation weekend. Quick ad from our sponsors of this trip. Dad Inc. "Please. Get a job son. "A message brought to you by Dad Inc.  

And back from our commercial break. My dad was in the midst of his busy season so couldn't attend so it was just me and my mom for this trip. My mom lamented that this would probably be the last time we'd travel just the two of us. I think the only thing that would cheer her up these days would be a grandchild. I fear her guilt-tripping is enough to accidentally cause a pregnancy. 

In any case, as my parents had already come to visit me in Barcelona last November we saw no need to stay in town. The first full day we had we were off to Girona, a town about an hour outside of Barcelona.

The Onyar River cuts through Girona and separates the old town from the new town. Very similar to how Prague is laid out. The river keeps the riff raff out and maintains the character of the city, mumbles the yuppie Gironian while drinking his PBR. Oh wait, that's Brooklyn.

Wedding table card holders. The fact that I even noticed these must mean I'm somewhat paying attention to my wedding planning.

Once you get into the old town the streets get narrower and the buildings get older. Yes, I realize this is obvious.  

Some of the streets were pedestrian access only so it gave you the comfort of knowing you could look around without fear of getting run down by an irate Spaniard. 

Duck-fish? 

When we got there around 2pm the stores were shutting down for a siesta. The only stores open were restaurants so we decided to have lunch at Draps.

Funky-cool restaurant.

Everything was served family style but the servings were gigantic. We still finished the entire plate.

I went into an carb/olive oil induced food coma and forgot to take pictures of our main dish but gained consciousness in time for Catalan ice cream. It just tasted like cinnamon or as I like to call it Christmas-y

Cafe con leche with enough caffeine to jump start a car. 

My guess is that during the weekends and holiday times Girona gets packed with people. Because RyanAir uses the nearby airport as their Barcelona gateway there apparently are a lot of stag/hen parties organized in Girona. 

Architectural shots ahead.

The old city is like one giant Stairmaster. Those old Gironians must've had amazing glutes. I'm jelly.

The main attraction in...well any medieval city in Europe...the church. Built on the foundations of an old Roman temple, this current iteration still has portions dating from Roman times. 

My mom blazing the trail. 

Next to the church was this idling brook. It was very peaceful. 

In America this would be 1) a lawsuit waiting to happen. 2) completely enclosed so that people wouldn't fall off the bridge or slip under the handrails and fall into the river and 3) have signs posted everywhere about the cobbly nature of the bridge. Darwin cries at the lack of population thinning. 

My mom was amazed at this tree. I don't know what's so special about it but maybe I should have listened to her when she was telling me why. 

Shot of the church and the surrounding gardens. 

Wish I had taken an exterior shot but this is the Roman wall that surrounds the city. You can actually walk along the top of it. 

I love lamp. 

More lamps. 

My mom insisted that I take a picture of this. 

The day of our graduation was a typical beautiful Barcelona day. 

After the official graduation ceremony we headed off to Hotel Arts to attend our graduation dinner. Because this is Spain our dinner was to start at 10pm. 

11:15, when our entrée actually showed up. I got a beef dish that consisted of 5 slices of beef on top of salty risotto. At that point we were so hungry that people just gobbled up anything that was put in front of them. I'm surprised a riot didn't happen. The food was the only lowlight of our graduation activities. 

The next day was a free day but I signed us up for calcotada. Everyone arrived to ESADE on time to head out to the restaurant. Amazing considering the previous night most of us were out till 6am. 

Calcotada is the "gastronomical event held between the end of winter and March or April, where calçots are consumed massively." Calcots being green onions. Basically, it's a Catalan bbq. 

The former barn/villa that has now been converted to a restaurant. 

Our giant bus to accommodate the 41 people attending the Calcotada. The bus driver demonstrated amazing technical skills. The road leading up to the restaurant was probably only half a foot wider than the bus. Once we got there we broke out into applause because the driver managed not to kill us or destroy other vehicles. 

That was the road that the bus had to navigate. Cars on both sides. If it wasn't a car on one side it was a cliff. 

The Calcotada menu. 

When i was uploading all my photos I noticed this menu was kinda odd. Why is the building burning? Is that the Eye of Sauron looking down upon us? The artist seems troubled. We just want some bbq man. 

The gigantic pieces of bread they give you. Since the calcots are kinda all-you-can eat so the crafty restaurateurs made sure you got full from cheap carbs. Sunglasses to show scale. 

The calcots finally arrived after about an hour. 

The remnants of the calcots. You're supposed to peel the outer burnt layers of the calcots and eat the delicious inner portion. After the peeling it's dropped straight into the mouth for your consumption. Since the outer skin is burnt your fingers get all charcoal-y unless you wear gloves. I'm a real man so I didn't wear gloves. Definitely felt like I asserted my masculinity there. 

View from the back terrace. The many different looks of Barcelona. 

Of course the calcots weren't the only thing on the menu. This is a BBQ. This is Spain. THIS IS SPARTA!! 

We had pork, lamb and mysterious sausages. It was delicious. The rest of the night was one long goodbye to all my classmates. Cramped into a tiny bar in El Born, we reminisced, talked about our futures and planned the next reunion. Just more memories to cap an amazing 2 years. I'll definitely miss everything about it. 

Real life ahead. 

ESADE Graduation Weekend

The dream is over. For the past 2 years I've been shielded from the harsh realities of the real world and have been safely cocooned in the shelter of business school. From Barcelona to Ann Arbor, Michigan I've burrowed my head in studies, socializing and pontificating with my classmates about the failures of Spanish bocadillos. Now that I'm done, what did I learn? Well, in no particular order and in a very superficial introspective view. 

• I am absolutely lucky to have such a wonderful and amazing SO. She is everything I am not and more.
• I am highly dependent on Japanese food to survive. 
• There's always a reason stereotypes exist. I'm looking at you, you Germans.
• I cannot make a solid presentation without making people laugh. 
• You cannot beat a solid American/English breakfast as a way to cure a hangover. 
• Spanish food is only good for about 3 weeks. After that you just get bored of eating oily, salty food.
• Apres ski. My new favorite thing.  
• The Midwest is freaking cold. Really freaking cold. Think cold and multiply that by 100.
• I've retained a bare minimum of academic knowledge from my classes. This includes my classes at Ross. I was never a good student. 
• Life sometimes just works out. There really is no sense in freaking out and obsessing over the details. Gotta adapt to the changes and just maintain that big picture view and prioritize your needs/wants.  

Over the course of the past 1.5 years my ESADE classmates and I have gone through a lot. "Moral hazzard" - "Once you go black..." "Innnnovation...hehehe"...*pointing to Spanish person* Who was the CEO of ____ from 1967-1972. How do you not know this? You are SPANISH." and everything in between. 

All the experiences bonded us over time. We started off as complete strangers from across the world and now we've all dispersed to the far corners of the world, but as family. Our emotional goodbyes and see ya laters were tough. I get teary-eyed thinking about it. But, as I head off to my new adventures in NYC I know that everyone is still out there. My family. Waiting for the next time we all meet again and relive those memories of our time together. I will miss you all. Thank you for everything.